• 

It’s the last day of July, the day that usually marks the “beginning of the end of summer,” at least in Western New York. This year, I want to avoid that feeling, the Sunday night dread of the Monday to come. I’ve decided to #SavorAugust. On top of that, lots of words from lots of sources have been marinating, until today I just arrived at a decision to become selfish.

I know parents aren’t supposed to be selfish. People who work in schools aren’t, either. People who are decent humans who care about others are allowed to engage in “self-care” so that we can recharge and be of better use to others, but you know what? F*** that. Why don’t we get to do things just because we want to? Just because they make us happy. Not because they make us of better service to everyone else. No, I’m not going to start ignoring my responsibilities (though I may decide some things really aren’t my responsibility after all). I don’t even think I’ll do much differently. What I will do is stop telling myself (or anyone else) that I’m “allowed” to do these things I enjoy because they make me a better mom, help me be more productive, etc. Nope, I’m allowed to do these things because I want to do them. That’s the whoooole reason.

I could blame “society” for putting too much pressure on us to be everything to everyone and make it all look Pinterest-worthy. The fact is, though, that none of that matters unless I buy into it. So all I have to do to free myself from it is to say, “No thanks,” and let my house be messy and my yard sort of wild (and my kids, too) and some days get very little accomplished. And for the most part, I already do that. I notice, however, that it feels rebellious. It feels like I’m choosing not to live up to expectations. Whose expectations? I’m not really sure, but on some level they must be mine or it wouldn’t bother me. So I’m going to stop that. It’s not rebellious for human beings to pursue activities that they enjoy, and if that means I do less of the things I don’t, oh well. For those of you who love making everything look Pinterest-worthy, I’m not saying you should stop. (And if I were, you’d be free to tell me to take a flying leap.) If you love it, do it. If you don’t, consider this one vote for cutting yourself a break and spending that time on something that makes you happy.

In the last year, I’ve done so many things in the name of “self-care” or “self-improvement,” and nearly all of them were things I just wanted or needed to do for myself. So no more justifying them. They don’t need to make me more useful or a better person; it’s okay to do them just because I want to. I think, really, I’ve been trying to become “enough” so that I can feel happy. Well maybe it’s time to just be happy, and as I travel that road, I’ll realize I’ve been enough all along.

Join me in my #SavorAugust experiment and maybe commit your own #randomactsofselfishness. Or don’t. You do you.

P.S. The photo is from the last full moon, when I stayed up too late and laid out next to the pool watching the night sky–just because I wanted to.