I know, I’m late to the game. Sometimes I avoid “the next big thing” because I hate hype. And sometimes after a while I give in and realize I’m late. Other times, I never give in, like on “Tiger King”–haven’t watched it and don’t plan to.

In this case, I’m really late. Early in the summer, a teacher asked me if I had recommendations for books on leadership. I’ve read some good ones, but at that particular moment, no titles popped into my mind, and I’d been thinking about how I need to grow, too, so I just started searching online. Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead looked relatively recent (2018) and very interesting to a person who likes the idea of courage, and I’d never read any of her work. So I suggested that one, with full disclosure that I hadn’t actually read it yet; my colleague bought it, read it, and recommended it to others as well. That has me excited for our school. I guess I should mention, for those who don’t know me personally, that I’m an assistant principal in a rural middle school. It seems like things make more sense with that nugget of information.

I also want to point out that what makes this different from a lot of other books is that it isn’t just the author’s own experiences, which is not to say those aren’t helpful. However, Brown and her team conduct a great deal of their own research about how these concepts play out over time in various organizations, and Brown draws from a body of research by others as well. To me, it’s nice to see how the ideas fit with or contradict others and how they have worked (or not) for actual people who have applied them.

Anyway, we all like feeling like we’re on the right track, and early in the book, that’s the sense I got. I don’t know how accurately any one of us can asses how other people view us unless we’re brave enough to ask–and they are brave enough (and trust us enough) to answer truthfully. But I like to believe that while far from perfect, I’m known to be truthful. I don’t give answers that I don’t have. I speak up when I see a problem with a suggestion, even when it’s my own. I argue. I confront. I defend people who I feel need it. I ask for advice. I admit when I don’t know and when I’m wrong. I coax confessions from students; I mediate and lend a listening ear; I commiserate and ask for ideas and take them when they work for the greater good, even if they make extra work for me. I’m not sure these things are always positive, and I’m not sure the staff would agree they’re even true, but they are what I try to do every day. And if anyone is brave enough to give me feedback on this particular paragraph, Brown’s book has given me the tools to hear it and take what I can from it. (I mean, maybe keep the negatives out of public comments…I learned, but help a girl out a little.)

I will say that I lost a little focus in the middle, though the work there is important. There was explanation about various types of leaders and why we armor up instead of being vulnerable, and Brown discusses a lot of her work around shame. The very important idea of the “rumble” and how to conduct it is a game-changer if I can apply it well. I won’t fault Brown for my lack of focus; I just wanted to forge ahead and I don’t think I had the receptive mindset I needed. I revisited this section when I finished the book and felt the need to make some notes about it. That isn’t something I really ever do, so the fact that I finished a book, which I also marked up (I know, Dad, but it’s mine, so I can), and needed to get these points down…I think that says a lot.

The end of the book had me hooked again, discussing what to do when we find ourselves messing some of these things up, about the stories we tell ourselves and the need to fact-check them, and how as leaders we need to find out what stories people are telling themselves and address the fears and questions they reveal. I often think I over-communicate in my messages to staff, but I feel deeply that the more information I can offer, the fewer questions they might have about what we are doing, why we are doing it, and what we each need to do. Again, I can’t profess to be successful, and maybe I need to work on brevity. I can absolutely guarantee that some see the length of my message (or my name or the subject line) and delete. But I’m thinking some appreciate it, and at the very least I can be confident that I truly made the effort to anticipate and address concerns before they made it to the stories people tell themselves. At work. As I read this book, over and over I thought how much applies to home as well (and Brown does point this out frequently in her examples, too). I have a lot of work to do, but I also have a good start and the right frame of mind. I’ll get there.

I’ll leave you with my three favorite quotes before providing links if you’d like to check out her website or purchase the book. (Pretty sure you realize I get nothing for this advertising. I just read the book and liked it.)

1. “If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I’m not interested in or open to your feedback. There are a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their lives but who will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judgment at those who dare greatly. Their only contributions are criticism, cynicism, and fearmongering. If you’re criticizing from a place where you’re not also putting yourself on the line, I’m not interested in what you have to say.” How 2020 is THAT?

2. “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” It’s true.

3. “Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behavior.” What teacher or what parent doesn’t need this mindset, too?

Check out brenebrown.com for more information.

Or to skip straight to where the books are, go to https://brenebrown.com/books-audio/

Happy reading and reflecting!